OK ITS BEEN MORE THAN A MINUTE THIS TIME
Hi there ok its been way more than a minute now. So I guess I should say what ive been up to since the last time I posted was checks notes uh 3 months ago.
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So after that jump where I hit my head on the ground im pretty sure I had a minor concussion cause I had brain fog for the next month. Coincidentally I did a huge event during that month called the Expert Soldier Badge. I had to do 30 different tasks to standard within a time frame and in a specific sequence. This ranged from medical tasks like treating someone bleeding out to properly using different weapons and properly using certain radios. The first task though was land navigation and the last task was a 12 mile walk with 35lbs on your back in under 3 hours. My bag had about 50lbs after you added water weight. Good news though is I passed so hell yeah. That all lasted about a month.
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Im currently at an event called Cadet Summer Training where im teaching college students who want to be officers how to throw grenades. Its an alright experience I guess but some of these kids are really weird. My biggest complaint however is the fact im in Kentucky and I don’t get to spend time with my friends. Im stuck here until mid august. Hey at least I get vacation afterwards.
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Im just trying to see if I can get out of the military so I can start spending time doing stuff I want to do. I want to look at getting together an outfit to go to renaissance fairs. I want to get into cosplaying.
Music wise ive been listening to a band called Good Kid, huge fan of them since like 2021. Snails house and Porter Robinson have also been up there. The funniest thing thats been happening is loading up in an unmarked white van with all dudes from combat jobs so theres 12 of us in there and just blasting white girl music thats probably something I will miss when I leave the army.
If you’re here for life updates and less serious stuff then heres the place to stop reading
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Ive been in a really weird spot where I feel lonely and ive been looking at getting back into dating but I also realize that im currently not emotionally mature or healed enough to get into anything. On top of that it would be absolutely unfair for me to date someone considering I currently spend 1/4th to 1/3rd of the year just not around. I talked to a super close friend about a realization I had where I found out I have an extremely hard time saying the words “I love you” to someone in serious heartfelt moments. I can say it to friends in joking situations and they probably know I mean it. But I have a hard time saying it in like sit down conversations and deep talks. Its not just reluctance I feel like my body shuts down to the point where its hard to breath and I panic. I don’t even panic when launching myself out of a moving plane. So I have a lot to look back and reflect on. All im realizing is ive been fooling to myself thinking ive moved on and healed after being cheated on all those times meanwhile I have some deep seated mental block. I will continue to pretend im fine and everything is ok though so no one worries about me.
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